She’s always the first one up.
Her sun kissed legs, padding above, aren’t much longer than Brody’s, but they are more confident and purposeful and quick.
Although she’s yet to round the corner, I See her tousled locks and rosy cheeks and sleepy eyes.
Wrapped inside this shared quiet, she usually curls beside me in the green chair. Her small frame warm and flexible in the way that only morning can make children.
I know it’s the six year old, almost a first grader version of my baby that sits by my side. But my baby, is exactly who I see.
I feel the way she used to curve into me. Her breath warm against my neck, one full cheek pressed against my shoulder, lips pursed, diapered bottom out. A perfect fit.
But today, she’s carrying a damp hairbrush in one hand and detangler in the other.
“Will you brush my hair?” She asks, tiny water droplets drizzling down her arm onto her pink cotton nightgown, as she splays her offering.
How can I resist?
I can’t, and I don’t.
So we settle onto the aged carpet. Morning light streams through open windows in slices, framing our small space on the floor.
She winces at the pull of the brush and the cold of the water edging onto her bare neck.
“Tip your head up,” I say by rote, my MindPencil already listing breakfast and outfits and errands and outings.
“Look Mama,” She says, bringing me back to her. “You made a horse.”
I follow her eyes to the wrought iron frames on the wall, so seemingly big when we sit curled so very small.
Of course she sees a horse here.
“I think,” I smile, still tugging the snaggles out of her brightest ends, the ones that reach mid-back, the ones that are the perfect mix of sunshine and littlegirl and BigKid, “That you see everything in pictures.”
“I do,” she says, ever sure of who she is.
I note what a gift this is.
This knowing how she thinks in this un-muddied way that streams right through the Open, much like that morning sunshine.
But before I get too lost in my own thoughts, she brings me back yet again. “How do you see things?” She asks.
And so we begin to form this puzzle. I can’t think of a better one to put together.
“I see things in stories.” I say, she nods in agreement.
“And Brody?” She asks.
“Brody sees how to take things apart, then how to put them back together.” I answer.
“And then back apart again.” She adds. We laugh at this truth, both of us our best within this AloneTogether.
“And Daddy,” We continue the game, “Sees what all the problems are, and how to fix them.” She approves.
“What about Kayli?” She asks, her head still tipped towards the horse. We pause, I keep brushing her already smooth hair.
“I’m not sure how Kayli sees things.” I say, “We’ll have to ask her!”
I shake the urge to bite my lip and buy NotKnowing worries, reminding myself that Watching and Waiting to really See is just fine.
And once everyone’s made their way downstairs, we do these exact things.
We tell our HeartParts about the light and the brush and the horse, and the pictures and the stories and the apart-and together-and-apart-agains and about the fixes.
“What about me?” Kayli asks, and my Mama Heart tugs at not having this answer.
“We weren’t quite sure about you, sweet girl!” I say, reaching for her.
We’re all uncharacteristically quiet for almost long enough for my worries to take root.
But one heartbeat later we all speak, our words melding around each other. The loudest one wins, so it goes in a family of five.
“That’s okay.” Kayli says, smiling, wrapping her slender arm around my waist.
“What do you think?” I ask, placing my own arm on top of hers.
And Chloe, Chloe’s gem shines the brightest and threads above the rest, “You always see the good.”
And for once, we all smile and Quiet at the same time, our puzzle pieces firmly in place.
***
So I have to ask, how do you see things?
***
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This is so, so beautiful. I’m not sure I know exactly HOW I see things, but I know that I do. Recently I asked both my children what they thought the central thing I emphasized was (as a parent) and they both said, without hesitation, “noticing things.” I am pretty happy with that one, I think. xo
Lump in my throat.
I see things and people like I do a quilt. Pieces fitting into one. Not always perfect, but just right. Or at least I hope so.
I see stories, too
My husband and I always joke, because he is a movies person and can stage and move and “see” things. I see things in words and motivations and backgrounds and what ifs.
I’m not sure how to answer this. I guess I try and see in layers. I mean, I see something and wonder why it is like it is. What makes it it, you know?
So, so beautiful. For real.
So lovely and perfect. And the term MindPencil? I have one of those… sometimes I need a sharpener though
Wow. What a complete knockout this is. I read it three times just to let it sink in. Seriously. Gorgeous.
How do I see things? I try to see what’s underneath, what’s behind a person’s actions. I don’t know of any pretty or succinct way to say it, I guess!
So beautiful. And it’s even more special now that I’ve met those fantastic kiddos.
This. Is. Your. Best.
You have taken my breath away.
Thank you.
Also? I see possibilities.
Oh so beautiful. I think our middles are very much alike. (and our bigs too).
How very beautiful.
I don’t know if I’ve ever thought about it before, but I would have to say that I see things from the heart.
This is just what I needed! The last 4 days have been rough here so reading this positive, beautiful post first thing this morning helped clear my perspective. I see possibilities, again. Thanks, my friend!
I love how you are getting the kids to think about and be sensitive to the different ways of seeing the world. That is a beautiful gift. Because they are all right ways. I wish schools did a better job with this.
As for me, I see the world in long, detailed stories…but I don’t share all of them. I only share pieces-parts. Elbows and knees. I don’t always share the warts. Sometimes I feel I see the world in censored stories. I wish I were less afraid of these DarkTruths.
Beautiful piece, G!
Love. My favorite parts of your pieces is looking through your eyes at your
children- because you always open up beautiful, thoughtful, sensitive ways of thinking and being with them. And so often the things that are pulling at your heart- the doubts, anxiety- are exactly mirrored in mine. Thank you for providing this comfort and this alternate vision.
This is my favorite post from you, which says so much because I adore ALL of your writing.
This is a question I can not stop pondering since you’ve raised it. I love this view of looking at the world, of realizing that we all see things in equally important ways, even if they are different.
I really want to be a mother like you; to place value on emotions and beliefs and views. This is absolutely beautiful.
I’m like you, I see in stories. And Sam wants to see how things work, too. (Your husband’s way of thinking sounds so much like your son’s, at a higher level, by the way.) Caroline is still trying on different ways of seeing things. Partly that’s Asperger’s syndrome. (But Sam has that, too, and he’s still a see-from-the-inside-to-figure-out-the-outside kind of kid.) Partly it’s what you said about Kayli, that you’re still figuring it out. Scott’s the one in our family who always sees the good. And every family needs one of those.
Galit, you just slay me with your writing. The way you bring it all together.
You husband and kids are very lucky people
I think lately I’ve been seeing the world as “yet to do” instead of “already accomplished.”
This can be inspiring but also daunting. It makes me tired and tempted to shut down.
So.
I need to adjust my eyes a bit. And now seems like a good time to start.
Thank you, friend.
I love how you all see things differently. Each piece creates a perfect whole.
I love how everyone has a slightly different way of perceiving things. Lovely.
I didn’t want this to end. I was so happy that you guys figured out how Kayli sees things. You can hear in your writing how worried you were about not having the answer and what a good one you came up with! I see things like movies and stories. Sometimes I feel like I am in the middle of a Lifetime movie of the week.
I love the image of you brushing your daughter’s hair. How I would love that mine would ask me to. She is half tomboy – half angst tween at moment. Some days she’ll leave the house with it a matted mess hanging down her back, others she’ll have it up in a fancy braid along with a hint of lip gloss on her lips. I also loved that this was such a thoughtful look at everyday interactions. I need to slow down and figure out how I see things.
Oh, that must’ve been so hard to admit that you weren’t quite sure about Kayli, yet! We want to feel like we know our children inside and out, and it’s such a puzzle that we do and we don’t all at the same time.
I love the image of your MindPencil. Mine is frantic right now making back-to-school lists for myself and the boys!
I love that Chloe solved that puzzle and filled it with such a beautiful piece. What a wonderful thing for Kayli to hear from her younger sister.
I see things as a big tangle of roots like the Mangrove tree. We all form together to stand tall and strong as a family.
I of course, love this entire piece of writing but I grabbed on to “my MindPencil” because I have one of those that writes in over drive, I do believe!
And that’s EXACTLY what it is. You can always bring things to light Galit. Love you.
E
My heart was in my throat as Kayli asked her question…what do I see? And what a blessing to receive such truth and love from Chloe! Beautiful!
Oh this brought sudden tears to my eyes! “You see the good.” What sister love. I see stories too…though I didn’t know until you asked…I always have. Thank you for shedding your bright light on that. I always love your questions.
I just loved every little bit of this Galit. Every little bit.
Love this and how we all make up the integral parts that serve to keep us together … holding fast.
I am holding fast, and seeking layers … layers of love, and longing and history.
You really drew me in with this one. Captivating and tender. Life has gotten in the way of my blog reading lately, but so glad I found my way back today!
This made me tear up, I think because of the “NotKnowing” worries. It’s beautiful. I think I see things in pictures, framed, like through a camera lens. That’s how it’s been lately, anyway.
I see things in consequence. Like if you give a cat a cupcake kinda thinking. Sometimes it is good other times its a distracting.
Wow, I love this…really makes you think! So how do I see things? I think I see things in a positive light – always trying to look for the good side of things. Beautiful post!
Oh this was so good. Your daughter sounds like such a neat kid. Her brain is beautiful. And so is yours!
Um, I think I see things in stories, too. I always describe people in my head when I first meet them. I think of them as I would characters in a book and try to understand them that way. Sometimes I’m terribly wrong. This was such an interesting thing to think about! I don’t know that I’ve ever really contemplated how we “see” things as individuals. My husband’s the problem solver–the fixer-upper. Now I wanna try and figure out my kids
Four years old and two years old is a little ambiguous though.
Oh my. This is just beautiful! I love thinking about the world through my children’s eyes. I think it is one of the best gifts of motherhood!
This is so beautiful. On a morning when I didn’t get enough sleep and have a lot on my mind, this was exactly what I needed to read to just remind myself of the important things.
You have a gift not only for making those moments matter, but also for painting a picture with your words so the rest of us can feel as if we were present in your moment. We’re then much more ready to be present for our own moments.
I can feel that ache – that fear that you didn’t have the answer right away. But that she always sees the good was so worth the wait.
Sigh. Oh, how I love this. I can picture you two perfectly. I can feel the moment. And my heart dropped just a little about the unknown…we know them so well – every little inch of them – and yet, sometimes, we need to pause…because they always keep us thinking and wondering. Love this, you. Love this.
Beautiful, Galit. Reading you is always such a treat.
Totally agree with her. You always see the good on things Galit. You’re little girl is so sweet.
I love it that you always remind me to take time to enjoy every moment with my kids. Thank you for that!
Oh Galit I love it. I wonder how I see things. In some combination of pictures and stories I think. I love this moment that you had. I wish I wasn’t always 1000 miles away. How in the world did you learn such presence in the moment?
I see opportunities, possibilities and stories about all of those things. It is a mixture of darkness, light and love with a big dose of laughter mixed in too.
Hi, friend! I love ‘MindPencil’. I see things in words and pictures. Words dominate, though.
I love how you see things. What a beautiful heart you have and what beautiful hearts you get to hold.
I’m happy to return to this lovely space of yours. I hope you’ve had a wonderful summer, Galit.
Always such beautiful, beautiful words. I’m certain I’ve missed some wonderful ones!
My Luca is five now and I love that we are just beginning to have these conversations. His understanding of himself and the world around him are slowly forming into something that he can articulate in a meaningful way. That said, I’m not sure how he sees things yet. I’m not sure he knows yet either.
And me? I think I see stories, too.
xxx
Ive never thought about this question as it pertains to my kids. It’ll be interesting to ask my husban about it.
What a beautiful question, Galit, and what an interesting conversation to have with our children.
I can’t wait to ask them this, because I want to see if I’m right: I’ll say my oldest sees in words, my middle in pictures, my littlest with action.
Me? With feelings. It’s always about how light or heavy my heart feels.
Thank you for this. LOVELY, and ponderous.