The Red Dress Club: Life

My fiction story is about Jack, Em, and Richard. So far-

In the beginning- Physical Beauty, Happy Endings.

In the middle- Wants, The Last Time.

And in the end- Perspective, A Phone Call.

This piece falls not too long after Happy Endings.

Their arms, brushing.

Their fingers, laced.

Their pace, matched.

Em leans in feeling his strength, soaking in his stability.

Nearby, ponytailed mothers grasp their children’s hands. Crisp-suited professionals pull rolling suitcases. A white haired, slightly hunched couple considers a cart for their single bag.

Heels click. Sneakers rush. Em and Richard plant their feet at customs, thankful for every person ahead of them in line.

Em untangles her fingers and steps into Richard’s never-ending warmth.

He circles her waist, pulls her close. She stands on her toes to mirror the feeling. She twines her arms around his neck and runs her fingers through his almond strands.

His bristles rough against her cheek. His breath graces her dark curls, her earlobe, her neck. A shiver dances through her. She dares look up through lowered lashes, and her eyes instantly burn.

Please don’t go, Em whispers. But she knows. She knows about his student VISA, his aging parents, his little brother. His studies, his career, his life.

Come with me, he counters crushing the wall she had so carefully built. Her tears flow freely, drizzling her cheeks. She desperately wants to check her own bags, curl up beside him on the plane, toast champagne to their new life in Sweden.

But they both know that she can’t. Her masters, almost complete. Her father, shockingly ill. Her mother, disconcertingly dependent. And Jack. Jack needs her, too.

Richard swipes a tear away with his thumb, sweeps a loose curl behind one ear, and brushes her lips with his own.

Their fingertips slide. Their grip on each other loosens. His backpack bounces against him. People rush by on their way someplace wonderful. Em stays put, watching the sweetest version of her something wonderful walk away.

 

Red Writing Hood is a writing meme. This week’s prompt is to write a 300 word piece using the following word for inspiration: LIFE. Constructive criticism is always welcome.

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Comments

  1. So sad to see them have to part ways. I want it to be like in the movies where at the end they run back together and are happily ever after.

  2. And isn’t that how it is?

    Tugs at the heart, Galit, but I respect the reality. We all too often say goodbye to what we want most because we are shackled to our commitments.

  3. Oh I wish she had gone with him!!!

  4. oh crap. where the hell is my Kleenex? Damn it, Galit!
    another gem. you’re awesome.
    xoxoxo

  5. I’m shouting “no, don’t go!” Heartbroken. Amazing piece!

  6. Great as usual.

    The world is spinning around them at the airport and yet your words make it so we can just be in the moment with them.

    I don’t normally have ANY concrit for you. But one line kind of bugs me. I don’t think you need “Each granting another stolen moment.”

  7. No!!! It needs to be a happy sappy ending!!

    You? Are a beautiful writer!

  8. I love how you can use such simple sentences to say so much. Heel click. Sneakers rush.

  9. ACK!!! NOOOOOOO!!!! how could she let him go???? Now i can’t wait to see what happens, she has to go there! She just must!!!!
    Love this! You captured me even with limited words!

  10. I want her to go with him too. You so very easily transported me to that exact moment there with them. It was like time stopped for a moment.

    I looked, and looked again, but there is nothing that didn’t work for me here. I did find the flow of “Her masters, almost complete. Her father, shockingly ill. Her mother, disconcertingly dependent” a little monotonous, but the imagery of those lines is too beautiful.

  11. “crushing the wall she had so carefully built” wonderful words and oh how this reminds me of a loved one I know. And oh how it took me a long while to crush that wall. I love Em and the story that surrounds her. I hope she has a happy ending….

  12. Beautiful writing as usual. I could feel the tugging on my heart strings. So sad to watch love walk away.

  13. This is killing me… it’s gorgeous, but so heartwrenching. Amazing as always, m’dear!

  14. Noooo, don’t leave Richard!! My heart is breaking for Em. Oh dear friend, you write so beautifully!!

  15. Just love this. I love how it just tugs at your heartstrings. Goodbyes are always so devastating and they might be hard for readers, but it sure makes beautiful, moving writing. I always enjoy your stuff so much! Poor Em.

  16. Noooo, he can’t go!!!
    I LOVE when you said Em “steps into Richard’s never-ending warmth.” This is an exact feeling I get when Hubby pulls me close… Makes me all warm & fuzzy inside :)
    You’re such an AWESOME writer… I’m jealous …

  17. Airports are such places of drama and feeling, aren’t they. I loved how you set the scene, and that line about the elderly couple with the single suitcase made me smile.

    Oh my, Richard is dreamy. And how much I want her to find him someday. There are no words for how I want this life for hers instead of the one we know is coming.

  18. People rush by on their way someplace wonderful. Love this sentence.
    This is so nicely done. I like the way you used those crisp sentences to convey so much. I like to ramble over here, then over there, then, oh yeah, back that way, so this prompt was really tough for me. This is terrific.

  19. NOOOOO! “Their fingers slide” created a powerful and sad image. How helpless I felt for them, forced to part in the midst of those feelings. ”

    “Em leans in feeling his strength, soaking in his stability.” I remember when I first felt this way with my husband, when parting for even an evening was heart-wrenching.

    Wonderful!

  20. Galit, I think I say this every time, but your writing is amazing! Truly! I’m so glad I found you…I always look forward to your posts. :)

  21. it reads like one of Joni Mitchell’s nicer songs. You say goodbye to something good, hoping it comes back around in another form.

    I like how you described their hands. It put me beside them while it was happening. Good work, Galit.

  22. This is a beautiful piece. The beginning of the piece with “Their arms, brushing.
    Their fingers, laced.
    Their pace, matched.” somehow pulled it all together weaving a lovely imagination. Nice work Galit as always.

  23. I love how romantic and how practical their parting is. I really, really love that even though they both want it, because they are good people, responsible people they really can’t be together. Galit, this was a perfect way to explain why she ends up with Jack and not Richard, it makes sense to me that maybe in some small part of her brain staying with Jack is holding on to a piece of Richard.

    Even though I totally wanted to push her on that plane myself.

  24. Oh, my gosh! This was gut-wrenching!!! I kept imagining how I would feel if my husband were ever to have to leave me… *sigh* You have such a talent for evoking emotions in your reader! I was with Em every step of the way, feeling her pain and disappoint and longing. The physicality you described in their embrace was gorgeous. Their intimacy and love comes through beautifully.

  25. I love how you portrayed these two-lost in their own world in the midst of a crowded airport-part of the whole scenario, but we get to zero in on the two of them and their lives, their story…

    You’ve created a very real and believable scene here-including the heart wrenching goodbye.

    Love your writing Galit!

  26. So sad but so well written.

    It was all woven together into a short, emotion filled story. And I loved it.

  27. I loved how you talked about their hands entwined, being that close to one another, in the space that the other leaves just moments before. *sigh*

    you have lots of writing to do my friend, since she must find a way back to his arms…..:)

    it was wonderful!!! Just perfection, as always.

  28. So moving. My favorite paragraph is the last one. I just felt it when she her watched the “sweetest version of her something wonderful walk away.”

    One concrit: “He circles her waist, pulls her close.” It wasn’t clear. Is he using his arms? I assumed so but I also did get an image of him circling her with his entire body but I don’t think that’s what you meant. Or is it?

    Beautiful scene.

  29. Bittersweet and beautiful… not every love story has a Hollywood ending.

  30. This is great imagery for the ordinary around them: Nearby, ponytailed mothers grasp their children’s hands. Crisp-suited professionals pull rolling suitcases. A white haired, slightly hunched couple considers a cart for their single bag.

    It emphasizes how totally in each others world they are at this moment.

    My only critique is it feels very similar all the way through. The sentences could use a bit more variation in length.

  31. I love that they’re so passionate about one another and yet still sensible about the realities of their own lives.

    Love like that brings people back together for the long term. 😉

    Beautiful imagery… you never disappoint!

  32. I really like that you chose an airport parting for this post… airports are fascinating portals of life, choca full of stories all colliding with one another. You’ve inspired me.

  33. It’s shockingly unfair that they have to let reality get in the way of their own little bubble of perfection. Poor Em :(

    I love how you’ve woven the ordinary details of the airport together with the suspended reality of their feelings for each other.

  34. So sad that their commitments were so at odds. The life that could have been.
    As usual, your words are beautiful.

  35. Having spent many a goodbye in an airport, I loved this … the way you use your words is amazing. happy to have found you via TRDC … always a fan now!

  36. the wanting. the needing. love it. so real. gorgeous piece.

  37. Oh, those painful goodbyes…you portrayed it perfectly!

  38. the sweetest version of her something wonderful walk away.

    my favorite line! very sweet & I felt her pain & how she was torn.

  39. You took me right back to more tumultuous times when these sorts of things were the norm. You captured the agony of this so well. And I loved that you didn’t tidily end it…you left it real, painful and believable!

  40. Well that’s freakin’ heartbreaking! I love that you captured the life that might have been
    AND the very real one that IS and demands both of them…separately. Oh! I’m a sucker for missed opportunities! I want everyone to have everything they want. But life is choosing.

  41. Te building up was so suspenseful, preparing me for the ending, still making be hope it would turn out differently – nicely done! Oh and “the sweetest version of her something wonderful” – such a fantastic phrase.

  42. Oh wow…I loved this. It was so real and heartfelt. I want to read more, and I as well would love a happy ending =)

    xx

  43. Ah, goodbye at the airport…. always sad and romantic! I had to say goodbye at an airport once…. I cried through most of my flight home. Then I spoke to him once on the phone, wrote him a couple letters… then forgot about him for the next 15 years! I am a very out of sight, out of mind person!

  44. This was a little too real. It hurt. I hate when life (or rather responsibility) gets in the way of life. I think a lot of people can relate to this story. It was particularly good because it was filled with finality. Wonderful!

Trackbacks

  1. […] In the beginning- Physical Beauty, Happy Endings, Life. […]

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