The Red Dress Club: Happy Endings

This post is a part of the fiction story that I started with

Perspective, A Phone Call, The Last Time, and Wants.

I sling my strappy heels between my fingers. They brush against my thigh as my feet chill on the damp sidewalk. The grass glistens with dew. The air smells of rain.

The cool night is sobering; as is helping Jack home.

Thursday nights at the Cantina are always the same.

The band, loud.

The beer, cheap,

The pool, fierce.

Tonight was no different.

Beer in hand, I watched Jack lose at pool while I listened to Richard’s accent. He leaned in closer, talked louder, and swooped strands of my hair behind my ear.

My cheeks reddened feeling his fingers and his breath sweep against my neck. His hand rested against the small of my back. Warm, comforting. For that moment.

I sensed Jack’s eyes grace my back against the bar, Richard’s hand, the beer, our closeness. I felt them before I met them.

His stride was quick. Purposeful. Strong.

Jack! I managed. My voice sounded high, tinny.

I stepped into his chest, spilled my beer between us. Cool amber ran down my shirt. Seeped through.

In the same breath, he moved me aside. His eyes bore into Richard’s back. He grabbed him by the shoulder, turned him around.

Drinks spilled.

Glasses broke.

Anger escaped.

I stood back and watched, stunned by only one fact- for the first time I anticipated his anger. I cringed waiting for it to start, then silently waited for it to end. One tear slid down my cheek.

I caught Richard’s eye. Please. I mouthed. His eyes held mine as he stepped back and shook his head, shrugged his shoulders and apologized.

I heard, Sorry man.

I saw, Jack’s fists unclench.

I breathed, finally. It was over.

Richard. Jack’s roommate from Sweden. A foot taller and a shade darker than me. Endless brown eyes with hair that falls just below his brows and an accent to get lost in. Sweet Richard helps me get Jack home.

Jack’s arms lay heavy on our shoulders. His sweat seeps onto our shirts. We head home one step at a time. Two blocks and bed.

I close the door to Jack’s room and settle into their living room. Bare walls, an old mattress serving as the couch, a folding chair as the coffee table, and laundry, baseball, and beer as the scent.

I curl up on the “couch,” running my fingers over the black straps still in my hands. My feet hurt. My back aches. My mouth is dry. I’m chilled by a slight shiver dancing across my bare arms.

I look up to Richard tossing a blanket my way with one hand and passing me water and tylenol with the other.

We settle in next to each other.

Our blanket nubby.

Our knees touching.

Our voices soft.

We trade thousands of sleepy words, middle of the night everythings.

Stirring only when the sun peeks through the blinds, I take note of my still dry mouth, still sore feet, and knee still against Richard’s.

A smile plays on my lips as I contemplate an espresso. I roll the other way, and look right into Jack’s icy blues.

 

Red Writing Hood is a writing meme. This week’s prompt is to write a scene that includes a happy ending – it doesn’t have to be the actual END of your story, but it should include at least one challenge for your hero to overcome. Constructive criticism is always welcome.

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Comments

  1. I need to go back and read the other parts. How did I miss this? Your writing is beautiful as always. I’m in that room, laying on that couch, feeling the blanket and the warm embrace of Richard, the startle of Jack’s eyes when I roll over…

    *sigh* You always satisfy.

  2. WOW. Oh my, those descriptions were amazing, I think I even felt that start of a hangover and JACK is heavy to help all the way home. See??? :)

    Richard was a happy ending, I love a good accent, don’t you?

    I really enjoyed this Galit, plus I always love a pair of strappy shoes!!! :)

  3. Fun stuff. Very romantic, sexy. Good pacing. Concrit–couple of typos, no biggie. “Cool night air…As is helping Jack” should probably one sentence instead of two. “And the pool” should be “and the pool”. Otherwise I really enjoyed it, as usual. You have a great range of writing ability.

  4. The images here are, as always, so vivid. Not just the colors or objects, but sounds and smells, And the taste of a dry mouth in the morning.
    Would love to hear more about Richard.

  5. Really fast paced. I wonder if she has a few plans up her sleeve?

  6. I can’t wait to read more!! I love all the descriptives you used…I can smell the spilled beer, and feel the night air.
    Awesome, Galit. I loved it.

  7. That was wonderful! I am desperate for more! You did a fantastic job describing every detail – I found myself being excited right along with her!

  8. How did she still end up with Jack?! How could Richard not stand up and help her escape him? Great story! Can’t wait to read more :)

  9. I love this. I went back and read and reread the other entries and it’s great how they can so easily stand alone and yet work so well together. Nice work, momma.

  10. I really would not like to be the one having that conversation with Jack right about now 😉

    Loved this. A lot! If it was in a book I would buy the book. :)

    And yes, any story with shoes in it, is a worthy one in my books – lol. :)

    Vikki

  11. I could *feel* the tension. And now I’m really hooked because of that last line… can’t wait to keep reading!
    Great job!

  12. Ah, jealousy is a powerful emotion. There’s nothing like a love triangle! I knew when you said “for the moment” that trouble was on the horizon. I’m ready to read more.

  13. My favorite part of this is when Richard and the main character are sitting together at the end. I love the description of their knees touching. What a beautiful way to tell me everything I need to know about their feelings for one another with this one little gesture.

  14. Oooh, I’m officially hooked. This was so descriptive. The ending gave me goosebumps. Great stuff, Galit!

  15. Oh no!!!

    Happy ending to the evening, miserable beginning to the day ahead.

    SO much tension and intimacy and menace in this–delish!

    The only tiny thing that jumped out at me was “words yell.” It was jarring after the other three in the series. I wanted a different verb. Which one, though? I’m at a loss.

    • You and me both sister! I wasn’t sure about fists fly either? If you think of better verbage pass it along. {Wow. Does that ever sound like if you can write for me…! Such nerve, I tell ya! :)} XO

  16. Strappy shoes, the smell of the bar…I even wiped my own shirt from the spilled beer!!!

    Awesome, as always.

    Those damn blue eyes….

  17. This piece reminds me of that song: “If loving you is wrong, I don’t wanna be right.”

    I really can’t wait to read more of this story! I really love your writing too-it’s pure heaven (like those ice blue eyes) to read!

  18. Woman, you’re killing me! That ending made me jump, and I even saw it coming. ACK!

    Your ability to capture the mind of this abused, trapped woman AMAZES me. I love/hate this!

  19. OMG! I could almost imagine icy blue eyes sort of like piercing like wolves eyes. Gosh Galit my imagination is getting away from me! Write on my blogger friend!

  20. You capture me every time. I am going to have to go back and read some of the other accompanying pieces. I am intrigued with your ending. As always, fantastic!

  21. I liked the intrigue, the interplay between Jack and Richard, the tension and fear with the main character.

    I was confused how she went from holding her sandals on pavement and being in a bar. I think it’s a tense thing. It’s all in the present, perhaps the bar scene could be in the past?

  22. You gave me chills. I’m hooked! Great writing, Galit!

  23. I loved it Galit. Will there be more?
    I’m hooked.

  24. Ooooh, chills from the icy blues. So good Galit, you carried me right through and I was wishing she had a more comfortable blanket on that couch. You need to continue this, tomorrow please.

  25. This is not going to end well…why is she staying with Jack? He sounds like a bit of a tool

  26. I loved this! Loved the way you described the night, the tension, the attraction, everything!

  27. What is most unsettling about this piece for me is the contrast between love/warmth and hate/chill and how she seems to have them mixed up, as if she can’t get he recipe quite right. The largest question that this installment begged for me, is certainly what happened to her previously in her life that would make Jack feel more like home to her than Richard, what has gone wrong with her self preservation instinct? It’s also interesting to me that her thought process consists of short vivid sentences and I wonder if that indicates her inability to see the bigger picture, hence part of her reason for choosing/staying with Jack.

    My favorite line this week; “I stepped into his chest, spilled my beer between us. Cool amber ran down my shirt. Seeped through.” I loved the color and temperature and the awesome metaphor that it is for their whole relationship, the whole messy situation.

  28. Wow!! There’s so much I loved about this piece, but it was the ending that grabbed me. I felt a chill go through me when she met Jack’s eyes.

  29. The way you describe your scenes, Galit… superb. This was so romantic, yet raw and honest all the same. Can we revive Richard from time to time? I feel like he’s just the right amount of Swedish lover for me right now :) And I always love me a good love triangle.

  30. Your descriptions are beautiful. Poetic!

  31. Just read all of the Em entries in one sitting and this one was confusing only because I wasn’t sure how it fit in… I finally figured out that this was before Em got married and not that she finally left him :(
    Sad that she didnt get away. This entire series is enticing. Very well and descriptively written.

  32. I just caught up on the ones I had missed. Not sure how, but now I’m up to date. I’m chilly from that last line, wow. These are phenomenal. Your writing is incredible, but these – this story – I want more. I want Em to get help and get out. Poor Em.

Trackbacks

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