My shoulders ache, my eyes blur, my body curves.
After seeing three starry nights from beginning to end, this feeling – is welcome.
I note the still of our home.
HeartHearing the three sleep breaths just down the hall, I imagine they’re in perfect rhythm with Jason’s, right by my side.
He fell asleep to the bright and the noise and the flash of our television (not my favorite), our thighs and knees and toes touching (definitely my favorite).
Reaching for the remote -and Quiet- with one hand, I pull myself up for just one more To Do with the other.
I open one spiral notebook at a time, and pen my heart.
We sent the girls off to school today.
Their flips flops smacked the sun kissed path that I swear we ran down only a heartbeat ago.
They made Ready look good.
And Brody and I? We found our way back to Two, which also looks Good.
We read and walked and laced fingers and ate chocolate (lots of chocolate).
The girls came home from school full of stories and smiles and spills and papers and mess and loud.
Brody and I stood side by side. His small frame warm against me, my fingers thumbing the brightness of his hair.
Neck craned, he followed the web they wove the way only a younger brother can.
My own face tilted down, I tried to do the same, as only a MotheringHeart does.
Carefully grasping each of their details, I MindPainted their words.
Laughing with their friends, hair glittering beneath flourescent lights. Faces scrunched and wrinkled and focused, because they’re SoBusy. Squeezing friends tight, small glitter tipped fingers pressing warm against friendship.
Hanging their backpacks, running in gym, spilling their water, needing lunch money, trying new math, finding their fit.
I breathe out the need, the want, the ability to be there for every single one of their moments; that’s not in my job description anymore.
But in the Quiet of the night, before I give into my coveted sleep, I write notes to my girls.
This is where I whisper my sweet nothings. I’m so proud of you. You’re kind. Math is so your thing.
And where I plant reminders. Soccer tomorrow! Set out your dance clothes. Library. Yes, again.
But it’s also where I ask everything I’ve been waiting (somewhat) patiently to know. What made you happy? Who did you play with? Could anything have been better?
After I’ve written my Tolds and Asks, I tiptoe down the darkened hallway towards those definitely in rhythm sleep breaths, place one spiral bound version of my heart by each of their pillows, and wait for them to write me back.
Because this – this being here and ready and full of heart – is (definitely) my favorite.
Word of mouth is the absolute best thing that can happen for anything, really. Please help me get the word out about:
- Slow down and capture a moment. Memories Captured with Alison of Writing, Wishing starts this Sunday September 10th. Our lovely sponsor this month is Dawn Butler Jewelry. Her pieces are the sweetest, and $50 worth of them? Can be all yours. Find out more here.
- Buy a book, fight cancer. Find out about Write for the Fight here.