Kindness Wins (And Stop Talking About Bodies)

79 days ago I wrote an article on the Huffington Post, 12 Secrets Happily Married Women Know.

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9.4 k people “Liked” it.

Some number more than 0 people responded to it by commenting on my weight. (It doesn’t really matter how many people, any number more than 0 is too many.)

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2 days ago I wrote an article for xoJane, IT HAPPENED TO ME: I Wrote An Article About Marriage, And All Anyone Noticed Is That I’m Fat.

23 hours ago a producer from The Today Show tweeted me to ask if they could discuss my story on their show. (I said yes.)

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7 hours ago I sat with Jason and the kids and tried to breathe and waited and tried to breathe some more and crossed my fingers that the segment would be positive.

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It turns out I couldn’t have asked for better.

I also explained to my kids what this is all about. (That was hard.)

8 hours ago the Entertainment Producer at Inside Edition messaged me to ask if I would like to be interviewed about my story on their show. (I said yes.)

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So 4 hours ago Jason and I were interviewed for Inside Edition. We sat side-by-side and answered easy questions like what happened and hard questions like how did it feel and what turned out to be easier-than-you’d-think questions like: What’s your message?

Because here’s the rub. My experience was muddy and awful, but my messages are simple and clear.

Don’t talk about bodies and be kind.

That’s it.

We can do better than our first reactions to people being comments about their bodies. And we can do better than putting others down with cruelty. I want better for me and for you, and I want better for my kids and for yours.

Many have (kindly) told me to feel sorry for the people making the mean comments because they’re coming from such a bad place. But here’s what: I don’t feel bad for them, there’s just no excuse. And we can do better than feeling sorry for them.

One of the suggestions on xoJane was so smart and spot on, it made me giddy:

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Erika, I’m with you. Let’s work together on this and, in the words of Maya Angelou, now that we know better, let’s do better.

Let’s be better.

A gentle nudge, a “That’s not okay,” will do.

Simple reminders, “Don’t talk about bodies,” and, “Be kind,” are perfect.

So that’s been my heart-skipping timeline.

What I’m not able to show is that between the highlighted moments in this post are the golden threads that held them — and me — together.

That gold is the support and the love that I received from my people. My people who I’ve hugged recently, my people who I haven’t seen in decades, and my people who I only know from the magic that happens between their screens and mine.

I am, quite literally, surrounded by golden people. Please know that I’ve read every single one of your notes-texts-messages-comments-tweets-posts-and-Likes, and that I’m beyond grateful for them, and for you.

Here’s the online version of Inside Edition. Jason and I have been crossing our fingers for four hours now that we sound somewhat smart in it.

Thank you for reading and for listening, and for being my gold.

 

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Comments

  1. oh galit! you sound more than smart, you sound honest, and brave and someone i am so glad to know. you and your message are shining my friend – just as it should be. xo

  2. She gets people to buy backpacks for kids who don’t have them. That is what matters!

    • She is absolutely beautiful in her wedding pictures —but she isn’t photogenic…so what MOST of us are NOT photogenic –take a good look a people’s drivers license photos…and SHUT UP!

      • Was there a comment deleted here? This reply comment doesn’t make sense. Rachel’s talking about backpack (must now the lady in question) and Kate’s talking about her not being photogenic. Which
        kind of misses the mark of the story.

  3. Beautiful, friend. allofit. xo

  4. I love how you turning something negative into a positive movement. Bravo to you, Galit. Sending you lots of love from across the ocean :)

  5. I love you, my friend! I think it’s wonderful that your piece and messages are getting the kind of attention it deserves. I’m with you and Erika! xoxo

  6. LOVE YOU, GALIT! So proud of you for kicking ass and taking names. :) xoxo

  7. You’re right – there is no excuse for mean.
    You are wonderful. So proud of you.

  8. So proud of you, Galit! Here’s to kindness! And you were much more than “somewhat smart” in the interview. Great job- both of you!

  9. Julia Rohda says:

    Amazing!!!

  10. nancy lotinsky says:

    i am SO with you on this. thank you for your courage to confront a generation gone mad when it comes to the way we look versus who we are in character and action. you’re amazing.

  11. Good for you Galit for speaking out and standing up for women everywhere!!
    XO
    Estelle

  12. You rocked it! SO proud of you.

  13. If anyone is qualified to spearhead a nice movement, Galit, it’s you. Love you!

  14. You are truly amazing and I am so beyond honored to know you.

  15. The way you two look at one another, the way you get this basic message we should all be living, THAT is someone so strong, beautiful, and perfect. I’ve known you around here for a while now, and it was hard to see people being mean to you, but I think you handled it perfectly. I think you just might have changed some people’s behavior for the better, Galit. And for that, I thank you.

  16. You are so inspiring and beautiful. So glad you brought this to light. You both were great on Insider Edition!

  17. Super smart! Happy for you. xoxo

  18. I salute you dear sista for being such a positive role model. I am enjoying reading through many of your posts. The fact that you can touch so many people is testimony to your spirit. I for one, am blessed to know you.
    Dorit Sasson
    Giving a Voice to Your Story
    http://www.GivingaVoicetotheVoicelessBook.com

  19. Your message was perfect, and I’m so sorry that people were small and petty in their response. As a middle school administrator, I’m working hard to get that message out to kids while they’re young. Be as kind as you can, as often as you can. Keep fighting the good fight, because it’s worth it, and so are you!

  20. Great job in the interview, Galit! You and Jason both did a great job in the interview. I wholeheartedly agree with your message. I agree with Andrea, if anyone can spearhead a nice movement, it’s you!

  21. Super star. I’m so proud to call you a friend and I learned so much from your grace in this.

  22. You’re making waves that the whole world will feel, even if it’s just a ripple in some places, even that ripple will have an impact. You’re incredible, mama.

  23. Good for you for having the conversation. There is nothing more important than the “be kind” message. You are a beautiful, inspiring role model.

  24. This is great. Be kind. That’s universal for everything that’s going on in the world these days. So glad to call you my new friend. I’m in it. I’m calling out the shamers with you. We have to do this together.

  25. Galit, you do sound smart in this. But even more importantly you sound classy.

    Your little waves keep getting bigger, my friend. Love you.

  26. So proud of you!

  27. This is AWESOME! You and Jason did such a beautiful job. Yay!

  28. You are doing great things here. Above all, you’re proving that kindness and both inner AND outer beauty win.

  29. Angela Cornejo says:

    Thank you. I found your blog because of the xoJane article on Upworthy, then I read your Huffington Post article – excellent! Thank you for sharing your advice and then your story. It is exactly what we all need. Just be nice to each other.

  30. Elissa Freeman says:

    Excellent piece on Inside Edition! As your unofficial PR person, the two of you were calm and cool and very articulate! Bravo!

  31. Maya Angelou was and is a light in this world.
    So are you, Galit.

  32. I’ve been slow in responding to this – but I just want to say that I love what you’re doing. And you’re right, we can all do better. I’m in.

  33. I am so sorry you have had to deal with any of this.Your strength, passion and love rise about all else and both the clips show how incredible you (and Jason) are!

  34. Both of you come across as smart, compassionate, and together–just as I think we all know you to be, even from screen-to-screen. Well done, all around.

  35. Galit,

    This is wonderful. I don’t have anything profound to say, but I stand with you and calling people out… this anonymous “shaming” (of anything) has to stop. And I have to say… the first thing I thought when I saw your wedding photo was “how beautiful!” You looked so happy!

  36. Yael Willis says:

    You grace and restrain are Amazing!!!Knowing myself and my non- filter and the way I have always struggled, but have always tried to be okay with my weight, I would have talked Bad to them, REALLY, bad.You are a good woman, writer, mother, and wife.I am proud to know you!!!You Awesome;)

  37. kim thompson steel (mosey) says:

    How amazingly eloquent are both you and your husband? So beautifully stated. I’m cautious about the idea of shaming anyone as one of your readers commented, but love the idea of an in-person call-out to the people we know – such a great reminder.

    You are beautiful, Galit – inside and out!

  38. I absolutely love your message and your grace through all of this.

Trackbacks

  1. […] Kindness seems to be the theme of 2014, I loved Galit’s orginial 12 Secretes Happily Married Women Know. But her rebuttal is even better. Check it out here. […]

  2. […] It makes my heart swell because of the grace with which Galit has handled the situation. Read her follow-up […]